Someone asked me yesterday why we weren’t flying to a certain mouse hole. Besides the price of 12 round trip tickets that unless gas gets to 10$/ gallon flying would be far more expensive, we’ll plane rides have never  been a piece of cake. 

When Addison was just a month old and Canaan was 18 months, Bryan was taking his finals in law school and his parents decided to fly me and the kids down from Philadelphia while he took his exams. All who know me, know that I have a deep need for matching my children. So in typical  fashion I had bought adorable coordinating outfits for the 2 of them. They were looking adorable, I had a diaper bag full of everything Canaan liked to play with and eat for his first plane ride. I was loaded with bottles of formula, diapers and wipes. I was prepared.  

Bryan took us to the airport, we checked in the stroller, Addison’s car seat. They even let him on the plane to get Canaan buckled into his car seat on the plane and kiss us goodbye. I had a window seat with tiny little 4 pound Addison and Canaan was in the middle with a nice middle aged man traveling on business on the other side of Canaan. It was a packed flight to Nashville, but I was prepared, so I knew it would be a nice easy couple of hours. 

The plane sped down the runway and Canaan began to cry, I grabbed my diaper bag and started feeding him everything that he loved.. sippy cup of milk, grapes, teddy grahams, oreos, string cheese. You name it, he ate it. But he was happy, at the same time Addison was fussy so I gave her a bottle and she sucked it down. About 25 minutes into the flight as we started to settle into the flight. Canaan proclaimed ” My tummy hurts” Before he could take his next breath the sweet little thing strapped into his car seat turned toward the man next to him and out came what seemed like everything he had eaten, every goldfish, every drop of milk from the sippy cup, every chewed up grape. The poor business man next to me was horrified. I am now holding Addison while unbuckled from my seat profusely apologizing to the man next to us. He has pushed all 3 of the lights above our heads to notify the stewardess that we need assistance. She arrives, and says, ” I’m sorry I don’t do well with this sort of thing, let me get someone else” The next stewardess arrives and starts to help the poor businessman next to me clean off. He removes his dress shirt with the should covered in nastiness and tries to clean him up. Now Addison is screaming, and well she might have been little but her lungs were big, because she could scream loud and high pitched. Canaan is crying too, ” go home, hold me “.  As Addison screams she stops for a brief second enough to hear an explosion go off in her diaper. She has now pooped through, it’s running down her legs and bleeding through the back of her once adorable outfit. I can’t get out of the aisle with Canaan’s car seat sticking out so far from the seat. I turn down the little tray table in an attempt to change her. Greeny yellow poop is everywhere, as I go to put the next diaper on her she poops again, it is explosive and is now on my dress, up my arms and somehow ( I’m still not sure how) it was in my hair. Addison is still screaming. The kind stewardess brings me a wet rag, but that just enough to now smear it all over the tray. I use my entire little travel pack of wipes to clean Addison, the tray table and me of the best that I can.  Canaan is asking for me and wants me to hold him. He’s crying, lean over to kiss and hold him from the confines of his car seat with a screaming Addison in my hands. He wraps his little arms around my neck tightly for a few seconds and the lets go and starts vomiting again. All down my dress. Whatever was left in stomach is now emptied. Both are screaming. The business man is asking for a new seat, they are trying to accommodate him on the very full plane. People around us are complaining about the smell and the loud screaming. 

Mercifully the plane lands, the pilot announces we have arrived in Nashville, with a connecting flight to I think, Denver. ” Are you getting off in Nashville” the man says over the screams surrounding me. ” Yes, I am so sorry” But before I could say anything else all the people near our seats in the plane have grabbed my bags, Canaan’s car seat, and physically helping us off the plane. I may have even heard cheers as we walked toward the gate with crying poopy pukey children and me.

That was one flight, I haven’t even told you about the time we flew right after 9-11 and I was picked as the random person to search. Brysan was nursing, the wand the security officer used to search me caused me to let down all over my self causing her to question what I was smuggling under my shirt. But we’ll save that for later.

So, in answer to the question, we are happy to drive. In fact driving in Clifford, our big red van is quite an awesome ride. So for now we are land mammals, we’ll save flying for the birds.